Thursday, April 16, 2009
ok so i finally solved the issues in my plot. there is no martyr. only a man living in a world where oppression has grown tremendously and simple pleasures such as getting a hair cut are considered taboo. STORY opens as a couple is in a serious argument. quick flashes foreshadow events yet are ambiguous leaving the viewer to question what truly will happen in the near future. the images will consist of glimpses of various parts of a woman under low lighting with small traces of blood that are contrasted using a film noir style. it will all be shot at night and the argument will gradually reveal hints of the truth behind what is going on. the fact that the man wants a haircut is not revealed until the end leaving glimpses of scissors to guide the viewer to a misguided conclusion of him killing the girl. only in the end the girl kills herself out of shame for her husbands taboo acts of cutting his hair.
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I think you've got too many dramatic elements competing with each other here, which makes the whole story a wash. You've got a serious argument between an intimate cople, societal taboo/pressure/oppression, and possible suicide/murder (and it's at night!). In order to have drama, you have to set it up, you have to give it some space to be drama in.
ReplyDeleteI think you could still do the haircut, but be more subtle about it. The man wakes up every day and looks in the mirror and hates his haircut. He wants to get a different one but it's frowned upon - everyone has the same haircut(?). His wife is perfectly happy with her haircut, just like everyone else, but he's very unhappy inside, and what's worse is that he can't say anything to anyone, because it's taboo. So finally he can't take it anymore and just decides to do it. One night he gets a kitchen knife and goes wild, and when he surprises his wife with his new 'do, still holding the knife, she takes it from him and stabs him or herself, whichever you think is best.